TO THE FATHER OF MY SON

this is just before 

My heart is tired already , tired of waiting for you ... I know I won't get anything that I'm just wasting my time , effort and love on you . Before I thought I will survive by solely loving you and not asking for anything in return . For me , to love you is enough . I'm not expecting you to love me too either ... But I was wrong... because I know , @ the end of this fantasy , I will be the one to suffer the most ... It felt as though I'm killing myself softly and slowly .
It's not just now that I've realized that "LOVE" is truly "BLiND" ... Because in the first place you're not my ideal guy but rather the opposite . Inspite of your imperfections which I couldn't count , I still decided to continue loving you!! Aside from being "BLiND" , LOVE is "CRAZY" too! Crazy in the sense that you can make the wrong seem right and the right nothing from me ... I never complained because " AGAiN " of the damn reason that I love you...What matters most to me is to see you happy . With you , I've eaten my pride . I do things I don't actually do because for me those are sacred ; just between two persons are involved and are committed wholeheartedly to each other . Let's just say that I am madly involved with you . I never followed what I think was right since I chose to be wrong for you ! Many times this thought crossed my mind ; " I was going too far already ... even the thought of giving you everything including my body and soul just to make you stay .
But after all the hurtings I've been through , I've learned my lessons the hard way I will never let my heart take over my mind again ! Being foolish for you once or twice is already enough ! I will definitely play the game wisely the next time around if you still choose to stay just for one reason ; to shed my heart from all the pains you've caused me ... Are you really hurting me knowingly or unintentionally ??? That I do not know . You're the one who knows because you win the GAME ...!!!
Don't worry , I do not regret everything that happened between the two of us because @ some point , that was I've wanted and I'm ready for that . There are also things I want to thank you ! You've taught me a lot things , you made me feel loved and wanted when we are together ... to have my first date with a guy I like , definitely it's YOU ... You even gave me my first taste of a real Kiss which I longed for ... For all that , THANK YOU !!!
Thank you ... for letting me experience having butterflies in my stomach ! For giving me a healthy baby boy . For hugging me so close to you and letting me feel your breath on my cheeks... making my heartbeat faster ! A big THANKS , for making me realize that fairy tales do not happen and there is no such things as a happy ending which I dreamed for us ... Lastly , for making me realize that I am HUMAN ; capable of LOViNG , yet capable of being HURT as well !!!
There's nothing I can do but to wish you happiness without bitterness in my heart . May you find happiness you were looking for accompanied with contentment you never found in me . May you wholly love with all your heart by the time you found the right girl for you and may she love you more than I have loved you !!!
I do hope and pray that what you've done to me won't happen to you . And even if I choose to stop loving you , it doesn't mean I don't care anymore ; I still do . I just don't want to see you hurting because it's as if I am feeling the pain too ! I was whole again when I found you . But , ironically ,when I love you , I came back to the broken pieces I was before ... THANK YOU for making me WHOLE && GODBLESS FOR HURTiNG ME :(

P S :

don't worry about Qhero , his safe and I will love him the way I love you before .